Excuses. We’ve all got a million of them. We find every reason under the sun to justify our inaction. We insist that the time isn’t right. The weather is too cold. We’re too fat, too poor, too indecisive, too finicky, too (insert your own excuse here). I’m not trying to alarm anyone, but unless you believe in reincarnation, this is the one life that you get. Are you using it to its full potential? Or are you just burning daylight? At some point, you have to take stock of your life. Have you accomplished the goals that you’ve set for yourself or are you just leaving everything to chance?
If I could be frank for a minute, there are people who are living like they are literally waiting to die. They have very little ambition, no drive, no sense of purpose. Somehow, they have allowed life’s circumstances to beat them down, to kill their spirits. They have bought into the lie that their dreams don’t matter. If plans don’t pan out the way that they’d hoped, they take it as a sign that they are being unrealistic; that they are reaching for the unreachable. They become easily discouraged, not realizing that the race really isn’t given to the swift but to the one who endures.
"The reason why your windshield is larger than your rear view mirror is because where you're going, is greater than where you've been. Go. " - Kirk Franklin
Sometimes, these things do not happen in a vacuum. If you find yourself always discounting the things that you really want to do, the places that you want to see, then it’s time to get out of your own way. You’ve heard the old saying that sometimes we’re our own worst enemy. There’s a lot of truth to that. Once we allow fear to permeate our thoughts it takes on a life of its own. The writer, Fulton Oursler, once said “Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves – regret for the past and fear of the future”.
While you can’t change what has been, you certainly can make new choices that will be more life affirming. Besides, if we aren’t at the ready to shoot down our own dreams, there are always others who are all too happy to take up the slack. I call them “emotional vampires”. These people will find seven ways to Sunday to convince you that you are being stupid for thinking that you have the right to create your own destiny. They seem to take pleasure in making you doubtful and miserable because that’s the path that they’ve chosen and like crabs in a barrel, they will do whatever it takes to pull you down with them. I mean, who do you think you are?
Your attitude determines your altitude
Surrounding yourself with people who look at life in a more positive way can become infectious. They can show you all of the possibilities that life has to offer. You will begin to get a new sense of yourself and notice that things can become less cloudy, less uncertain. You will find that things actually get easier when you believe in yourself. Like attracts like, so if you are around negativity, you will become more negative and vice versa. Try to seek out the good things that life has to offer but know that not everyone is happy to see you prosper. Some people rejoice in another’s misery, but you can’t let that stop you from trying to attain your goals.
So start doing whatever it is that you’ve always wanted to do. Whether it’s changing careers, moving to another state or country for that matter, taking a round the world trip, do it. A little careful planning is the key, not the obstacle. If it’s big enough to dream about it’s realistic enough to go after it. For me, personally, that is the one common thread that I have found in the travel blogging community. There is a positivity amongst its members who come from every corner of the world, every faith, every religion but they share a commonality: A love of the world and the people who inhabit it. They seek to learn something new every day about their global community and nothing makes them happier than a full immersion in the experience. Moreover, they are all too happy to help you to achieve your own dreams. Sometimes, you have to let go of friends you’ve outgrown and find other like-minded kindred who share a love of the same things that motivate and inspire you.
Photo credit: gwennypics on Flickr
What obstacle have you personally overcome that allowed you to accomplish a lifelong dream? In what way has that changed your life?
Maryden25 on 
I’m not sure what my life long dream is. But I do know that the travel blog community has helped me see there’s more options than a 9-5 desk job existence. Now that I’m in school I know graduation doesn’t have to mean resorting to something I hate. I can use the skills and knowledge I acquire and live the life I want. It’s a gradual process for me.
Twitter: aviewtoathrill
That’s deep! It’s true, terrible economy notwithstanding, we can still direct our energies to things that we know will make us happy and fulfilled. I used to be a slave to my work….now I make my career work for me. It gives me the opportunity to do the things that I want to do, go to the places I want to go and provides a comfortable living. Whatever career path you choose, just make sure that it knows who’s boss. ;-D
nice post renee. i had noticed that about the travel blogging community too. hopefully posts like this will reach beyond them to the people that could really take some benefit from them. whether its travel or whatever, people seem to be reluctant to just have a crack.
Twitter: aviewtoathrill
Jamie, exactly….whatever the challenge, people should empower themselves to meet them.
It’s true that the travel blogging community can be a wellspring of positivity and encouragement. And it is very important to object and resist when negative people drain you. It is not ok.
Twitter: aviewtoathrill
Yes, so true Robin. Sometimes, I find myself getting down when I’m around people who can only see the negative. They have a fatalistic approach toward everything and you can’t make them better. They will only drag you down too.
Loved this post Renee! And I feel so blessed to have met you in person too.
Life truly is about discovering your purpose, following your own path (not others’), and uplifting others by living your authentic self.
While the travel blogging community is extremely supportive, it can also be extremely competitive and you’ll find people (“haters”) getting in your way to prevent you from living the life you want, instead of focusing on their own true paths.
Also love this line – “Sometimes, you have to let go of friends you’ve outgrown and find other like-minded kindred who share a love of the same things that motivate and inspire you.”
Objectivity and a clear sense of purpose (and for me, faith) also will help you along your unique path.
Tweeting this post now!!
Twitter: aviewtoathrill
LOLA!! I hope the contest is going well for you. Yes, I agree…..I guess I did imply that the travel blogging community is ideal. Nothing is….in fact, I anticipate that when companies start to really GET the importance of hiring travel bloggers, the competition will be fierce and things will have the potential of getting nasty really quick. I love your contribution to the conversation too…objectivity, clear sense of purpose and faith….all important. It really is about knowing who you are. If you are clear about that, nothing or no one can define you. Thanks for coming by, my friend….it was great seeing your smiling face in person too.
Excellent post, Renee. A lot of this se timing is going around right now. Dare I say that the global financial crisis woke a lot of people up to realize that the “American Dream” wasn’t all that sturdy and even made some more far fetched dreams seem all the more attainable. What have we got to lose? John and I chose to spend our money travelling this year instead of doing the conservative thing and buying a house…because ghat is what we know will make us happier. Good luck to everyone out there who is following their hearts and changing their lives!
Twitter: aviewtoathrill
Thanks, Andrea! I agree, it did force people to decide what’s really important to them…if nothing else. Congrats to you and John for choosing your own path.
The line about people literally waiting to die made me so sad because it’s really true.
Twitter: aviewtoathrill
I know….sometimes when I see someone like that, I want to tell them that it doesn’t have to be this way. So many have lost hope.
Twitter: ExpatGermany
Lovely post Renee! I think your comment about surrounding yourself with positive people is especially important since our friends influence our lives more than I think we realize sometimes and if you’re around people who follow their dreams, you’re more likely to do so as well.
Twitter: aviewtoathrill
Thanks, Laurel! You are right about how our friends influence us. People think that peer pressure ends the same time as childhood. Not so!
Great post, Renee! The travel blogging community is one big scene of positivity, isn’t it? That is also a big reason I like it so much. So much of what you said is so true. Some of my family members and friends think we are being selfish in the way we live and view life, as though we’re cheating or something because we our first priority is travel and not buying a house and a bunch of crap to fill it. It’s like some think we haven’t “paid our dues.” Like we have to work for 30+ years before we’re allowed to truly do what we want. I personally think that viewpoint sucks. Like you said, we only get one life, and I know we are going to do everything in our power to make this one count.
Twitter: aviewtoathrill
Thanks, Adam. Isn’t it amazing that the ones who should offer the most moral support are killjoys? Stand firm in your convictions…..owning a house is great, but the money I spend fixing it could go towards a trip!
Twitter: MalaysiaAsia
“Sometimes, you have to let go of friends you’ve outgrown and find other like-minded kindred who share a love of the same things that motivate and inspire you.”
I’ve done that in the last 15 years or so. As you get older, you start to lose friends due to family, commitments and so on.
Twitter: aviewtoathrill
David, if you guys would indulge me, I wanted to post a poem that reminds me of letting go of whatever you need to in order to grow:
After A While
1971 Veronica A. Shoffstall
After a while you learn
the subtle difference between
holding a hand and chaining a soul
and you learn
that love doesn’t mean leaning
and company doesn’t always mean security.
And you begin to learn
that kisses aren’t contracts
and presents aren’t promises
and you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up and your eyes ahead
with the grace of woman,
not the grief of a child
and you learn
to build all your roads on today
because tomorrow’s ground is
too uncertain for plans
and futures have a way of falling down
in mid-flight.
After a while you learn
that even sunshine burns
if you get too much
so you plant your own garden
and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone
to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure
you really are strong
you really do have worth
and you learn
and you learn
with every goodbye, you learn…
Excellent post Renee. We couldn’t agree more. David already highlighted the following line, but I thought it deserved another mention…
“Sometimes, you have to let go of friends you’ve outgrown and find other like-minded kindred who share a love of the same things that motivate and inspire you.”
Well put.
Twitter: aviewtoathrill
Thanks, guys….I appreciate it!
Right on, Renee!
I got out of my own way 10 years ago when I moved to Asia. It’s been a whirl wind of learning and doing. Hasn’t always been easy, but so worth it. Let’s face it, if we/you/I don’t follow out dreams, who will?
Twitter: aviewtoathrill
Ten years? I didn’t know it was that long ago, Nancie. Well, I’m preaching to the choir then….lol. You are so right….only YOU can fulfill your OWN dream!
Personally I call them “Dream KIllers”. Since I’ve tried to eliminate as many as them as posible from my life, my world has expanded. It’s not easy when a lot of those dream killers are family but at the end of the day it is your life.
Twitter: aviewtoathrill
Nick,
Yes, that is a very adequate description of what they attempt to do. Once you remove the dam (the negative folks), the wellspring of possibilities come rushing through.
I think this post is fantastic! I too feel like I am sometimes surrounded by people who would rather see me fail than succeed.. I have my whole life. I grew up in a very abusive household, but I chose to use that as motivation to grow up and to be better than my abuser ever was.
That’s just me.
These days I think I surround myself with positive, happy people and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Twitter: aviewtoathrill
Thanks for coming by Kelly! I’m sorry that you’ve experienced such a horrible thing as a child. It’s gratifying to see that you did not let the abuser win. I heard Oprah say once, the best revenge is to live well. I will finish that thought off with “because that will just piss your haters off”. You are doing just that. Congratulations!
This is AMAZING Renee!!! And actually, just when I needed it. And the poem?! The bow on this gift. Thank you
Twitter: aviewtoathrill
You are welcome, Lorna. It’s just something that has been on my mind lately. I’ve been asked to do a guest post on another site and it will be kind of a continuation of the same theme. I plan to post it here too. I think it’s important to DRUM this into people’s psyche….we have to be the masters of our own fate. I’m glad that it helped you in some way and yes, the poem speaks volumes.
I still feel like at 15. I feel that the options are out there, I just have to figure it out what to do with them, which one to choose. It’s like I’m at crossroads all the time, forced to choose between a conventional life and an amazing life. It tears me apart. It’s tiresome to always have to live up to someone else’s expectations.
Twitter: aviewtoathrill
Laura,
The good news is that you don’t have to live according to someone else’s rules. You have the god-given right to determine your own destiny. It won’t be easy. There will be a lot of pressure from people who aren’t that willing to give up the control they have over your life. You will have to have a good amount of intestinal fortitude to stand up to them. It’s probably one of the hardest things you’re going to do and one of the most rewarding. Once you get to the point where your point of view matters most, it will be easier to figure out the rest.
I love this line: “the race really isn’t given to the swift but to the one who endures.” Sometimes I have to remind myself that things will not happen overnight and I need to practice patience. Great article. We really were on the same wavelength this week, huh?!
Twitter: aviewtoathrill
Hmmm…somehow my response never showed up. Sorry about that, Christy! Yes, we were on the same wavelength that day since we posted similarly themed articles. Just keep pushing through because everything will fall into place in the end.
Wow. Who ever wrote this inspired me, and also woke my ass up. I’m the queen of excuses. I love the part “I’m not trying to alarm anyone, but unless you believe in reincarnation, this is the one life that you get.” I have dreams of going to college for art, although I haven’t been very artistic lately. Or maybe Philosophy and religious studies. I need to get my ass out there, and NOW. I’m only 19 years old, but I’m lazy, and letting the days go by. I need to start while I’m young, and pull my head out of my ass. Thank you!
Twitter: aviewtoathrill
Hi Tristan,
I’m glad that my article inspired you to take action. But don’t let this feeling of euphoria go to waste. Go out and make it happen. Check out local schools to see if they offer what you desire and what the requirements are to register. I was nineteen once. You will be surprised at how quickly those years pass. Unfortunately, there’s nothing you can do about that. However, you do have a say in how those years are spent. Don’t waste them….keep searching, keep striving….be the best Tristan that you can be. And when you’ve reached the end of your life, you can look back without any regrets or fears that you’ve missed out on anything!
Good advice, but we have to be careful that we don’t dash someone else’s dream while pursuing our own. We can help others to make their dreams come true as well. I just wanted to write and I’m doing that now. I have written one blog today and now I choose whether to hit the road or write another. I can do both just write this evening. I have helped a student this morning and so I’m not being selfish. I give myself time, my friends and my readers.
Twitter: aviewtoathrill
Hi Mike,
First of all, thanks so much for dropping by to comment. I think that you’ve missed my point entirely. This post has nothing to do with dashing anyone else’s dream….not sure how you gleaned that idea from my post…it’s all about empowering yourself to fulfill your own. Not everyone has the strength or the inclination to fight for their own dreams and aspirations. I am attempting to give them that extra push so that they won’t waste another day contemplating about what others may think of their life choices.
My position that we are all responsible for our own happiness/achievements/dream realization. This post attempts to validate and support that position. If you want to read articles that I’ve written that focuses on helping others, I hope that you will check them out under the Inspiration category because this article is about helping yourself which has absolutely nothing to do with being selfish.
I! I am new to your blog, through LinkedIN. I just signed up t follow via facebook. I really enjoyed this post! Reading through your comments I saw the poem After a While. I have always LOVED that poem, thanks for the reminder. I hope you will stop by my blogs and follow as well!
Twitter: aviewtoathrill
Hi Tannis,
Thanks for coming by to comment, I appreciate it. After a while really puts things into perspective, doesn’t it? It’s a definite wake-up call. On the way to visit you………
Renee,
Can you please get out of my head and stop scolding me? I get it! : )
This was a really great post…I am going through my trials right now as we speak….always having been the “Polyanna” for everyone else…I find it increasingly difficult to be optimistic and even able to get out of my rut…but I persevere…and thanks to you post…at least for the moment I am energized…in fact I think I will just have to print this out and tape it to my closet door so I can see it everyday…Coach! : )
Twitter: aviewtoathrill
Boschii,
One of the most difficult things to do is to declare our own independence. We sometimes feel that we can’t veer away from the script that others have written for us. It’s time to break free of those chains and stop feeling like we have to perform for others. You have to give yourself permission to do that….so reach deep down inside and tell yourself that there is a reason that God gave you life….so that Y-O-U could live it.
Hi, I’m brook. And I came on this site looking for a way to escape my boyfriend. After Highschool ended I moved in with him and ever since I’ve been looking for a way out, but have nowhere else to go. I can’t find the motivation to work, he works. I stay home and clean and already feel like a house wife, which isn’t what I want to be (Not at 19 anyways.) I know I have plenty of time, but I want to travel and move away. Of course I would miss him, because we know each other so well and have been together so long, but I honestly think that’s the only reason we are still together…the fear of change and the attachment. I dont even know if we love each other anymore, I may find that once I leave I’ll feel like I made a mistake, which scares me. I don’t really know how to get out of this situation, I guess the first steps are to get a job and try to get my hospital bills paid off before i go into even more debt. I need to find a way to move out quick, even if it’s in a horrible place. I have no friends or family that will let me stay with them. Any advice?
Thanks
Brook
Twitter: aviewtoathrill
Brook,
Your comment really touched me. If it’s ok, I would rather send you an email later. You have the total power within yourself to change your life. Don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise.
Renee